Tuesday, February 07, 2012


I'm moved beyond words and coherent thought.  I wonder how someone can be so selfish?  So delusional?  How does saying "I'm sorry for all the hurt I've caused" lead to causing more hurt?  How can a man take a hatchet to his two sons, ages 5 and 7, and hit their throat, causing them unimaginable pain and suffering?  How can he then explode/burn his house down, killing himself and his kids from carbon monoxide poisoning?  And why does the picture have to be of a happy looking family?  It literally sickens me.

I've never saw the appeal of suicide.  But what's even more baffling is when suicide leads first to murder and then the checking out early.  Is there some great failure as a people that leads to the taking of one's life?  Is there an offense that finally cracks the shell of a person's heart?  Have we, by and large, been too aloof, too absent, and too selfish that we miss all the signs?

Oh God how it hurts me thinking of those boys.  Their confused minds as their father grabbed them, pulled them in, and wounded them.  I can only imagine how their hearts broke at the betrayal of the man that birthed them.  And the man.  What led up to that moment?  Was he slighted at work?  Was he abused?  Was he bullied as a child?  Was his heart simply filled with brackish blood?  Surely this was not his ideal.

These types of news stories have a profound impact on me.  They make me want to pull Keisha in close, squeeze her tight, and tell her just how much I love her.  They make me want to pick up Avonlea and kiss her until she scratches my face off with tiny baby nails.  Not only do this, but they bring into focus how important it is that I be the kind of father I'm supposed to be, to be the kind of man I'm supposed to be, and to be the kind of Jesus follower I'm supposed to be.  Am I invested in people?  Do I notice when something is going wrong in someone's life?  Do I truly, honestly care about Jonathan the Starbucks cashier on Wednesday mornings?  Or what about William the Franey's clerk?  I care enough to know their names, but would I be able to see it in their eyes if something was wrong?  Would I miss them if they stopped showing up?  What about you all, other bloggers that I know only through the Web.  Would I be able to infer something was wrong in your lives?  Would I be able to offer any support?  Would I miss you if you no longer commented/posted?

In the midst of life's maelstrom, especially this week's tumultuous seas, my heart is at peace, but it's tenuous. It's the kind of peace that's rooted in eternal joy, not immediate happiness.  It's the kind of peace that if fraught with burdens and sorrow, for the pain in others overwhelms so.  It's a peace like David's, who called out to God in the Psalms time and time again for deliverance and rescue.  While my personal pain and angst may be relatively shallow, there's a world that's filled with anguish.  I want to do my part to lessen it.  Pray for that family tonight.  They definitely need it.  And if there's anything I can pray for you about, just let me know.  I'll do it.


Jonboy said...

Very powerful Logan. Sometimes I wonder why God doesn't decide to just end it all right now. Destroy the world and end all this suffering.

It's absolutely baffling to think a father could do something like that to a child. Your story is incredibly convicting for someone who calls him/herself a Christian as I do. It's so incredibly important that we attempt to be a light in this dark, dark world.

logankstewart said...

Indeed, friend. I read how wrathful God was in the Old Testament and wonder how we get away with all that we do. It has to be mercy. And because we're given mercy, we should be showing it, and doing so is one way to shine our lights.

Still, this kind of stuff is tough to read about.