By the Side of the Pale-Faced Moon

I've found myself unable to sleep much these last few days.  Is it myopia?  Dystopia?  Is it the paean and the clanging, and the tolling, throbbing, clangor of the bells bells bells bells bells?  Maybe yes.  Maybe not.  Maybe porridge, sickly hot.  Maybe sweat and beats and wrinkled sheets beneath my bed bed bed bed bed.

Hours crawl.  Bioluminescent monsters stomp around in the living room, just out of mind, not out of sight.  I cannot remember my dreams.  I can remember my disappointments.  And so I found myself awake and asea during the witching hour, garbed in synthetics and clothing born of labor, not love.  Indeed, the only thing born of love was the toboggan* atop my barren head, wrought by the fingers of the girl I love.  I found myself in the hinterlands, staring up at the sky, hoping to catch a glimpse of the Quadrantids.  Alas, it was not to be.

Coffee consumed, and even its typical bitterness was as honey, though it frothed rabid for unknown reasons.  I think on my goals for the year, for myself, for my family.  Keisha and I have been steadily scaling down things for several months now, and our goal is to get even more simplistic**.  It began when I decided to save money and cancel our satellite back in the summer of 2010.  We traded a crazy bill for a cheap Netflix plan.  And yet, after sixteen months of digital streaming, I've found myself more attracted to PBS and basic television, and those only on occasion.  Sure, there are plenty of great shows available at my desires (Buffy!), but I'm loth to spend so much time in front of a monitor.  A recent survey found that the average American spent 2.7 hrs/day watching tv, which equates to about six-weeks of non-stop, 24-hr viewing.  And that's just tv alone.  I dread thinking of computer usage...

So we both came to the conclusion that we're going to get rid of Netflix at Stewartland.  By our reckoning, any movies/shows that we really want to see, we'll be able to get them from either the library or Redbox.  In conjunction, we've scrapped much of our DVD shelves.  Next up comes the bookshelves, I think.  Because, I wonder, why hang on to these things?  I'm not nostalgic.  I'm not materialistic.  So why keep them?

I would love to get to a point in my life where I have few things that I simply "have" to have.  I remember reading this article about a family that limited itself on how many items each person could have.  Seems like it was around a hundred or so, which included everything from socks to toothbrushes to kitchen gadgets.  If you wanted something new, something else had to go.  Part of me really likes this idea.  This was one of the reasons why we limited the amounts of gifts Avonlea got for Christmas.  From us, there were three, and we tried to convey this to the rest of the family, too.  We don't want her to grow up overindulged and spoiled***.

Maybe it's that I'm getting older, though my dissatisfaction has been growing for a while now.  I turn twenty-six next weekend.  I wonder what I'm doing with my life.  How am I making a difference, not only in my community around me, but in my family, too.  Why am I content to spend so much time at home, with my nose in a book?  Thank God that I only average about four hours per week with the PS3.  I thank God that I don't have a smartphone.  I'm tired of the sham of politics.  I'm tired of the bickering in the church.  I'm tired of the apathy of bosses.  I'm tired of suburbia.  I'm tired of the passivity of America.  I want to be different.  I serve a Jesus that was different, that was hated, that lived a radical-but-simple life.  And I want to be more like Him.

It's a sort of Runic rhyme, really, to the tintinnabulation of the bells bells bells bells bells.  I am forever thankful that I've been blessed with a house to keep me warm, a closet full of clothes, and five pairs of shoes.  I have a job, while many do not.  I have a car.  Two, actually.  I'm healthy.  I could be much worse.  I could be much much worse off.  Am I stuck in idealistic youth?  No, I think not.  Am I held back by fear and trepidation and idleness?  That remains to be seen.  Here's to hoping 2012 is different.

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* An apparent colloquialism of the Appalachia region.  By toboggan, I mean a knit cap.  I grew up calling these things toboggans, and didn't realize the discrepancy between the words until I was in college.  I love Kentucky.

** I'm hesitant to use this buzz-word, but it best describes my ambitions.

*** Okay, we want to spoil her with love, not materials.  I trust I make sense.

A Memorial Day Well Spent

Memorial Day is a special holiday to me for two reasons.  First, my brother is in the army, currently serving on his second tour, this time in Afghanistan.  His job is dangerous (though he assures us that it’s not really that bad), as he is constantly on the road, driving as an armed escort to and from places.  This puts him in harm’s way more than I like to think.  Thankfully, he’s never had any problems, and prayerfully, he never will.  He will be returning to the States for a two week R&R in August, and then ending his tour next January or March.

The second reason Memorial Day is special is really more of a bittersweet reason.  Keisha’s dad passed away shortly after we started dating.  She was sixteen.  I was a freshman in college.  I remember getting that frantic phone call and I dropped everything and sped home, making the two hour trip in almost half the time.  The loss of her father was life-changing for her and her family.  Keisha still struggles from time to time with it, and it’s painful to go through something like that. 

On Memorial Day, I think about these things.  I remember the people that have given up their lives for our country.  I thank God that we live in a place where we do have freedom.  And even though we like to complain and bicker and argue over our rights, at the end of the day, our country is still far better off than many other places in the world.  I also like to remember the loved ones that have gone on.  Many of them are in a better place, and these thoughts are things that truly bring a smile to my face.

Yesterday, on Memorial Day, Keisha and I got up early and drove to a flea market.  We spent the surprisingly cool morning shopping around for deals and bargains (I bought Joe Hill’s Heart Shaped Box for fifty cents! and Fallout3 for $15!).  We enjoyed just looking at the odd things people try to sell.  We enjoyed our time there, and afterwards we went to Keisha’s mom’s house to spend some time at home.

Keisha is teaching a VBS class next week, and the theme is western.  Keisha grew up with horses, though the desire to ride them stagnated after her dad’s death.  He was going up to the barn to shoe some horses, and on his way there, he had a heart attack and collapsed near the barn.  The horses were kept up until just a few weeks ago, when they finally were sold.  I went to help Keisha get some saddles and other things from the tack room.  The room was dark, dusty, musty, dirty, and all-out undesirable.  I bravely ventured inside, armed with a pitchfork, and slowly procured the few things she wanted.  After all was removed, we headed down to sit under a shade tree and clean the stuff.  It took all afternoon, wiping down and oiling the leather saddles, washing away years of dust and grime.

The whole time, I’m sure Keisha was thinking of things years back, when things were simpler and life hadn’t yet been disrupted.  I know I was.  I would do anything to be able to have her dad back, but I know there’s nothing I can do.  Hope for the future is the only reassurance I can offer her, a faith that promises a reunion in heaven.

At the end of the day, we were both exhausted and filthy.  Memorial Day was filled with a business that wasn’t restful, but at the same time, it was fun to be home with family.  It was nice to work outside on things.  It’s easy to see that life slows down in the country, and this is one of the things I love about where I grew up.  Rural life is more pleasant than I can describe, and simplicity really does rule the day.  While I don’t consider my current home to be rural, ultimately Keisha and I both want to move back to the country. 

Once again, I want to thank all of the men and women who have served our country.  They deserve honor and recognition for what they do.  I, for one, will never slight them, and I pray you never will, either.  And for those who have lost loved ones, I offer you my condolences.  I truly believe God knows best, and that’s a faith I will die believing.

Austin, TX Plane Crash

I’m sure you all heard about the plane crash into the IRS building in Austin, TX.  Apparently the pilot had some pretty bad luck with his life and his retirement, blamed the government and Big Brother for all his problems, and decided to end it all by taking out (or in this case, attempting to take out) a lot of IRS workers or something.  How tragic that someone’s circumstances can lead to something like this.  The man, Andrew Joseph Stack, believed that the government was out to squash the middle man and eventually had enough.  He left a suicide note/manifesto, titled “Well Mr. Big Brother IRS man… take my pound of flesh and sleep well,” on his registered web domain, which was taken down this afternoon.  The Smoking Gun has a text copy of this note, as does CNN.

I read through the note.  It left me with feelings of pity, confusion, incredulity, shock, amazement, and a slew of others.  Ultimately, Stack comes to the conclusion that “violence not only is the answer, it is the only answer.”  My mouth hung open in disbelief.  My brain fogged as I tried to make sense of this opinion.  It reminded me of some of the characters that Joe Abercrombie created, people like Caul Shivers.  Shivers tried to do the right thing and be a good man, but soon came to realize that, in the end, you still go back in the mud.

Did Stack reach this point, too?  The breaking point of humanity?  The point where our logic eventually caves and we’re reduced to a primal rage?  Personally, I feel that this opinion is not valid and that violence is rarely the answer.  And when this conclusion can be reached, I’m left to deduce that the person has no belief in an afterlife?  Though that deduction is flawed, as Muslim extremists believe they are doing the right thing when they blow themselves up in hopes of slaying some infidels.

I have always been a person who strives to see every side of every argument.  While I pity Mr. Stack for his misfortune in life, I wonder how biased his opinion was?  I agree that the government tends to screw people, but that’s no reason for violence.  Furthermore, he offers to take no blame for any of these problems.  It’s as if everything that happened to him was beyond his control and he was completely innocent in everything.  Now this may be a possibility, the likelihood is rather improbable. 

Sigh.

I’m not sure where I’m going with this post.  It just struck me the wrong way.  I’m a patriot.  I love the United States of America.  I believe that I live in the best country on the planet.  America has plenty of problems, but so does life.  Our government is full of hypocrites and money hungerers.  Unfortunately, crashing your plane into a government building is not the answer.  I’m also a compassionate person, one who longs to help anyone in need, whether it be a homeless woman on the street or a middle class man under strain.  And when I read about things like the tragedy of Joe Stack, it makes me sad. 

I hope for a better future, one where violence is not the answer.  One where people aren’t reduced to horrors and terrorism.  In the end, I’m thankful that the casualties/injuries from the plane crash were small.  Austin, TX, you’re in my prayers, and so are you America.

A Toilet-Bowl Swirl of Thoughts

Racism will never end as long as we use the identifying label “Race.”  Why are racial statistics even aggregated?  It seems counter-productive to me.

I’ve lost most of my interest in Oblivion.  Truly, the most fun I’ve had has been doing the quests for the Dark Brotherhood and the Thieves Guild.  For some reason, the main quest just isn’t that attractive any more.

I bought a PS3, and it came with Dragon Age and Dante’s Inferno.  I’m selling my XBOX, which I bought less than 2.5 months ago, and definitely Dante’s Inferno, cause that just looks stupid. 

I love hot tea.  My friend from Iran introduced me to hot tea a few years ago and I’ve loved it ever since.  Boiling a pot and making a cup from fresh tea leaves is the way to go, but sometimes it’s an instant-tea day.

Google Wave.  Google Buzz.  Google Reader.  Gmail.  Google.  Google Calendar.  Picassa.  Dang.

Area of a full flowing circular pipe, A, is equal to
                       A=(πD2)/4

Area of a partially full flowing circular pipe, with the height of the water, Yo, over halfway full, is equal to
            A=(1/8)[2(π-arccos((Yo-r)/r)-sin(2(π-arccos((Yo-r)/r)))]D2

Area of Kentucky is equal to 40,409 sq. mi.

I’m about a third of the way into Best Served Cold.  Abercrombie sure knows how to write, that’s for sure.

In all, we got around 6-8” of snow or so from the other day.

Valentines Day draws near. 

I’m not crazy, I’m just a little unwell.  No, seriously.  But I am getting better.  Maybe when I do I’ll have something better to say.  Something that makes more sense.  Cause really, if you boiled this post down, the only thing worth saying was the top point.  The rest is just chaff.  Worthless chaff.

If you don’t have anything meaningful to say, then keep your mouth shut.  Yeah…

3 Observations of a Dying Generation

1.  The generational gaps in our society are astounding if you think about it.  Look back forty to fifty years, where racism was commonplace.  Society was segregated by skin color, and those with the light skin color were superior to those with the darker.  White people could ride the bus and have a seat.  They could have a nice professional job.  They lorded over people like they were better, just because they had light colored skin.

Our generation?  Racism exists, but it’s much more convoluted and much less common.  Now, I think racism is only a very small problem in America and it’s fueled by every colored skin there is.  I can’t stand to hear people being racist, even if they’re joking, and it puts a stab in my gut when I hear it.  But I really hate reading the news and seeing things analyzed by race.  “Was this a racial crime?  Is this person the victim of prejudice?”  Those sorts of things kill me.  Really, what kills me even more, is why do we even have to consider the race card any longer?  Aren’t we all just people, trying to live our lives the best we can?  Who cares what color skin you have?

For the majority, I think the racism card is generationally dying off.  When President Obama was elected into office, sure, it was a big deal, being the first African-American president, but the significance of it was lost on me.  Racism is not a problem in my world.  Skin color means jack to me.  I didn’t grow up seeing race riots and KKK marches on TV; instead, I saw fictionalized women and African-American presidents on TV.  Thus, it wasn’t a stretch for me to accept a real dark skinned President for our troubled country.

2.  Fox News is another thing that hopefully will fade into oblivion with the passing generations.  Or, at least the way news is currently presented.  Sensationalism in general is nothing more than propaganda, skewed to influence your opinion in one light as to the other.  I don’t understand how people believe the things they see and hear from sensationalistic newscasts.  To me, it seems obvious when people are offering opinions instead of unbiased facts.

While I feel that yellow journalism is pretty much dead, I see things like Fox News in the same light.  It is my hope that the news will have a paradigm shift in presentation, reporting facts and little conjecture.  That’s why I like NPR.

3.  Another thing that is becoming obsolete is the personal telephone landline.  Our society is an on-the-go, wireless society.  My household does not have a landline and likely never will, as we use our cells for communication.  I can see no point in having a house phone.  Any faxing I should need to do can be done at work or the library, and internet service no longer requires it.  In fact, the only things I can see still having landlines are businesses.

There are many things going away, some good and some bittersweet and some downright tragic.  And even though my generation has its fair share of problems, I think we’ve got a lot to look forward to, as well.  Think back to the American Revolution and the fierce battles that were fought.  Picture it in your mind.  Now look at the picture below.

Is that how you pictured it?  An incomplete Death Star hanging in orbit?  An 18th century war fought with lightsabers?  If so, friend, then you truly know your history.

This post didn’t really convey the point I was trying to make.  What I was trying to get around to saying was that strawberry cream cheese on a nice bagel in the morning is something I’m thankful for, something I’m glad we have in our society and something I hope never goes away.  I believe in my generation, that we’ll stomp the racial card into near oblivion, that we’ll abolish Fox News, and that the death of landlines will make our cell phone bills cheaper.  We can do it, America.

Chimes of Freedom

It's Independence Day here in America. The day we celebrate our freedom from the Crown. The day we honor our country. The day we thank God for the freedoms we have here in the States, to worship as we please, to speak as we see fit, to carry guns, to drive on an adequate infrastructure system, to live peaceably with our fellow man, regardless of age, sex, creed, ideas, or orientation. It's America's birthday, and whatever your viewpoints are, whether you're hardcore LEFT or extreme RIGHT, come together and appreciate our country. Thank God that we don't live in a war torn third world. Thank God that we're not oppressed by an Inquisition.

And, when you've done that, eat some BBQ or something. Keisha and myself are celebrating our Independence Day with the all American Japanese cuisine from the local Little Tokyo.

+ American songs?

Woody Guthrie's classic by none other than the Boss



Bobby D's nice bit about freedom