Thursday, December 22, 2005

Christmas time is here

First and foremost, merry CHRISTmas. Secondly, merry CHRISTmas.

So it's been a while since my last post (primarily because I only have limited internet access when I come home from college, i.e. public library) and life really hasn't had much excitement. Indeed there was finals, which went quite well. And Christmas approaches, so there was the creation of gifts and purchase of others. Also went quite well. And then there was King Kong and the Chronicles of Narnia, both of which went, well, quite well.

But alas I must now weave the events that have recently been made aware to me. I shall not reveal how I became aware of this knowledge, but it is my responsibility to tell it to all. Hang on. I shall start at the beginning, proceed through the middle, possibly reach a climax, and resolve with a resolution.

It all began with the boy. He knew things he shouldn't. No one at age eight could possibly comprehend, but somehow he knew. And it was the knowledge he held that held the world in a delicate balance. Should he tell the world, there would be havoc and chaos. Should he keep it to himself there would be inner strife. But Christmas was approaching. And with Christmas comes gifts. So the boy, somehow, knew what he would do.

It was time for the evening news and his parents were sitting in their normal living room watching their normal news broadcast and assuming normally that their "normal" son was upstairs, playing with normal toys like normal kids do. Of course, he wasn't. Actually at that very instant he was finishing praying. He had decided. And the world must know. The news anchors told introduced their guest as a prodigy who had an explosive secret to tell. And with that the parents leaned a little closer to the tv, like the rest of the world watching. And closer still they leaned when they saw that the prodigy was their son. And still closer they leaned when he began to speak.

"My name does not matter. Only the information I have in my head is all that concerns you all. And so I shall tell it and leave. I'm sorry." This was the only way for freedom. And afterall, it was Christmas time. "Apparently since I am not allowed to say CHRISTmas on tv, I first want to wish you all a very merry CHRISTmas. But my concern does not depend on that. My concern involves most people in this world. And my secret is enough to send an entire continent to maddness. Why am I telling this? I don't really know, but I believe everyone should know.

"And so I give you the option now. You have about ten seconds to turn off the tv and live comfortably in ignorance. I shall pause and wait." And the parents along with the rest of the world all leaned in terribly closer. Still closer as time dropped closer and closer to zero. And simultaneously everyone pushed one button on their remotes. Power.

And so the secret has not been heard by anyone except the camera man, who happened to be a little loose in the noggin. He told it to me. And as for the boy, I cannot say. But the secret I now know, if I am to belive the mad man. And so I disagree with the aforemention of not revealing my source, but I believe that unimportant. I must go now. Namaste. Merry Christmas.

Monday, December 12, 2005

Finals Week

And so finals week, which actually is composed of two days and four exams, has begun. Day One consisted of a destructive DE test and a devastating Dynamics final. Both exams sucked, naturally, but there was some sort of solace during the day. I knew that I would be home soon. And King Kong would be out, too. And Christmas. And co-op. And there are still two exams left for tomorrow......

So, that leads me to wondering what sort of humor can one find during the most stressful times for college students? I know some people who have found the ultimate in stress relief. Explosives. Yep. I e'en witnessed one or two. Simply put a few ounces of water into a 20 oz. bottle, screw top on to create pressure, and place into microwave. Soon open the door to the microwave and voila. Stress relief. (I understand that this may not be too safe, but it's really only harmful to the microwave. So, in conclusion, who is Mike Jones? Who? Don't really know.) Clean up afterwards. And only do sparingly. Excessive laughter causes side-splitting pain.

And with that, I must return to my studies and talk to my beautiful gypsy friend who lives across the way. I think I cut my finger earlier on a Christmas tree...

Sunday, December 11, 2005

Why no snow?

As little kids often remind us, snow is simply amazing and beautiful. They (the kids) flock around windows just to gaze out the window and watch the white specks fall to the ground. And of course the teacher gets mad and makes them all sit down to listen to her lecture. This same phenomenon occurs in the adult life as well. We watch the dark grey clouds cover the sky and soon we are fascinated at the flakes descending groundward.

An email from little Leslie Johnson in Blizzard, FL contained a simple question she would like for me to answer. "Sir, we don't get snowfall here in Florida, and I wanna know why. Mommy and Daddy can't tell me, and you're next in line. Thanks, Little Leslie Johnson."

Well, Little Leslie, the answer is really pretty simple. Snow comes from the clouds when it's really cold outside and the water cycle has gathered enough moisture in the air. When the humidity is right, along with various other things that are far too complicated for your little mind, snow comes out. But not in Florida. Here's your answer.

In 1865, during the Civil War, there was another battle going on. The clouds were meeting above deciding what to do about the fate of the lands. You see, the payroll was pretty slim for clouds and especially in Florida. The clouds down there barely made enough to support their families, and finally something had to be done. The clouds decided to strike. (Who, or what, or e'en how remains a mystery.) Of course the entity in charge didn't care and so the clouds never quite managed to come back the same to Florida. A different breed moved in, along with terrible winds and rain. Snow left the bleak countryside and was replaced with beautiful sands and water and shells and waves and warm weather. What a drag. And as you could have guessed, the clouds probably won't ever be returning, what with global warming and tourism at an all time high.

I hope that answers your question, Little Leslie. And if you have another please send it. Namaste.

Friday, December 09, 2005


"Why?" is a great question to ask. Not only is the word simple enough to spell and easy enough to pronounce, but it is also applicable to any statement ever made. For starters look at the little kids. Whilst growing up they are inclined to think about the world and what makes things work. They see something and need to find out more about it. Being young, they also need a word that's easy to say, and what other word could that be than "Why?" (I guess it could be eggplant, but that would make no sense.) Yet their knowledge behind what they ask is only shallow. A simple answer is enough to satisfy their curiosity and they usually continue on their way.

Then merge adolescence into man. The "Why?" becomes a much more complex and prominent question. "Why are girls so weird?" "Why is the price of gas so high?" "Why am I not given everything I want?" And a crapload approaching infinity more questions to ask. Of course, there is not always an answer to these questions. However, in this blog I will attempt to answer some of the more common questions that people always ask "Why?" Let's begin.

I. "Why do my feet stink after walking around all day?"

This may come as a surprise to some people, but the feet are the sweatiest things on the body. They are used in nearly every activity and therefore they perspire. The stink, however, comes not from the sweat but actually a small Gnome-like creature that lives in socks called the Perspiratorgus. It's a pretty lazy creature, and when disturbed enough he reacts (similar to a skunk's spray) and releases fumes from his own feet that smell terrible. This smell clings to the socks' cloth and the result is smelly feet.

This starts the series of "Why....?" for me. I shall keep the answers rolling, just keep the question coming. Namaste.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Darth Vader

There comes a time in every young man's life that he finally realizes what he wants to be when he grows up. There are multiple dreams and ambitions, but there is always one definite epiphany. At least there was for me. An epiphany that rattles to the bone marrow.
I wanted to become Darth Vader. If wielding the ultimate powers of the Dark Side wasn't enough to tempt me, there was the numerous other traits of Lord Vader that were certainly admirable. He, like Johnny Cash, was a man in black. His suit was constructed to fit him perfectly, casting that ominous shadow everywhere he went. He had a lightsaber for cryin' out loud. What kind of person doesn't want to own a lightsaber? Vader also was the second most powerful person in the galaxy (at least in order of command by the Empire) and had the authority to demolish entire planets. Logically it can be determined that Darth Vader could do whatever he pleased.

But then comes the dilemma. Darth Vader, a Dark Lord of the Sith, had too many problems. Being Darth Vader comes with the burden of loss and anguish. To take on the mask means taking on his pain. He believed that Padme would die and he wanted to save her. Satan, I mean,Chancellor Palpatine twisted Vader's mind to where he didn't know what to believe. He only thought that he had to trust Palpatine to help him save Padme. Foolish, aye, but out of love. A deep love for Padme. And there was also the sorrow of having killed numerous (practically all) Jedi. He not only failed in the Order, but he failed himself.

So being Darth Vader is a tricky business. Indeed the powers and shiny black suit would be mine, but as would the heartache. I believe I must pass on it. Though the Dark Side tempts me, I shall not give in. I shall remain myself, loyal to the true Force. The Light Side is too strong to leave. And Vader finally comes back over to it, so why should I want to be him anyway? I'm sure he'd forsake all that's Dark.....

Tuesday, December 06, 2005


And so this is the beginning. My first blog. I am intrigued by the possibilities for some odd reason. And because this is my first I shall post a preview of what to expect. Mostly it will probably be random thoughts going through me, similar to a journal. Perhaps I shall write on current events. Mebbe religious thoughts. Mebbe STAR WARS. Definitely STAR WARS.

Nevertheless, or Foreverthemore, this blog shall certainly be entertaining, insightful, trying, and prosperous (at least I hope). Until a later post, I remain random. Kinda like the alpacas.