For some reason this is the third time the "Nine Things" post has been posted here on Rememorandom, which was earlier today. Confusing. If I had time to investigate, I would, but I don't, so I'll hypothesize.
The thing that keeps the Internets working is not a caravan of large hamsters running on giant wheels, but actually two sad brothers separated by long distance and a tragic allergic reaction to one another. It's their love for one another that keeps the Internets working.
On Friday 13, 2011, these two brothers decided to meet for an impromptu luncheon. They made an appointment at a mom & pop diner, where Eugene had two fried eggs, six pieces of candied bacon, one habenero pepper, a venti glass of soy milk, two antacid tablets, and six pieces of single-sided toasted bread. Esther, who happened to be named after a somewhat famous woman of the bible and who, as it were, always despised being named after a woman (ironically, his favorite song was Johnny Cash's anthem "Boy Named Sue"), had a small cup of coffee (black) and two peppermints. The meeting was to be short, but the waiter, Julius, somehow messed up Eugene's order, and the grouch made the waiter grovel before sending him away to fetch some fresh milk.
As it goes, their meeting went too long, and Eugene had an allergic reaction, which caused him to delay on his trip back home. He stopped in a convenient care to get some STAT medical attention, but it just so happened that an entire busload of senior citizens (and six very unhappy grandchildren) all came down with some rather mysterious illness while on their tour of Washington DC. So Eugene had to wait. And wait. And wait.
By this time, Esther had returned home (via some sort of vague and unimportant teleportation device) and started up his Internets Making Machine* and sent Eugene an IM. His brother did not respond. It was at this time that Blogger crashed, destroying posts far and wide, creating a rift in the time-space continuum that Walter Bishop could only understand. It is here, into the multiverse of the Internets, that "Nine Things" vanished. And then it reappeared some time ago, with strange symbols at the bottom. And then it reappeared again today, symbols removed.
Eugene eventually recovered and managed to get home in time to salvage his half of the Internets, but not quickly enough to save face. Esther had posted humiliating pictures of their sad childhood onto Facebook, tagging all six of Eugene's friends in the process. Esther laughed; Eugene was inconsolable.
I have personally sent Eugene an email asking for verification, but as of publication, I've not heard back from him.
Thanks Eugene for being a sickly little punk, picky and proud. You must be pleased! Way to go Esther!
Hopefully we never have to see "Nine Things" again, though, insidiously methinks 'twould be funny to post it again on April Fool's Day next year...
*Powered by a group of traveling, giant hamsters