Friday, September 06, 2013

No Subject


This is how I like dealing with spam.
Hello,
How are you doing?please I'm sorry for taking a little of your time,please I have an important issue I will like to share with you concerning my inheritance and character of my wicked Uncles that wants to kill me to enrich themselves.On hearing from you on my email address and i will give you more details.
Have a nice day.Sincerely,alexa oko

Dearest Alexa,

Oh my goodness.  I can’t believe you’ve finally found me.  I’ve been searching for you for years, ever since our wicked Uncles initiated the coup and seized control of our dearest city.  However did you obtain my electronic mail address?  I lost many good men in trying to maintain its secrecy, and yet I see that the wretchedness of our Uncles is once again superior.  They quite simply must stop it at once.  I no longer have the time or energy to fight this struggle.  I’m haggard and bedraggled.  I’ve not had a warm meal in months.  This gruel I commandeer from a kindly but portly Middle Eastern baker down the street is all that keeps me going, at least in terms of nutrition.  At night I lie awake and devise schemes of destruction, of sneaking into our Uncles compounds at night and setting free the Fires of Heaven, of covering them in raw meats and releasing a pack of dogs upon their wicked souls.  Oh yes, I have dreams and take mortal delight in them each and every night my dearest Alexa.  I fear that my mind has been bent beyond what is acceptable; no longer am I the innocent child I was when I played upon the bloodred waters of my homeland.  I am a scarred individual with ruthlessness within my bones.   This is, I think, the most evil of all the heinous crimes our wicked Uncles have done.  For I’m sure you remember me when I was the embodiment of pure naiveté and innocence, ever clothed in white, ever surrounded by butterflies and the sweet aroma of the primrose.   How they have wronged me.  How they have wronged you.  And now they are seeking to kill you and enrich themselves!  Oh the humanity.

Thanks for the update.  Take care!

Have a nice day yourself.

Sincerely, logankstewart

4 comments:

Bill said...

I'd love to hear if there is any followup!

contemplatrix said...

nice.

~L

redhead said...

that was brilliant. I read it outloud to even better effect.

can't wait to read Alexa's response!

lanceschaubert.org said...

Haha, awesome.